Ego in Sports Parenting (not you though. Everyone else.)

When I was in the thick of this Sports parenting thing, it felt like this was the pinnacle of parenting a young athlete. “Look-my kid is an all-star, he made this interception, she scored this many goals during the season.” That stuff meant something to me as a mom. I was in my sports-mom era and my kids rocked! I am 100% guilty of using annoying mom-brag keywords such as “Elite level”, “Nationally ranked” and “D1 talent.” Shoot, it wasn’t even that long ago that this stuff was coming out of my mouth. At the time, it didn’t feel braggy, because everyone was saying these things and silently praying that one day, their child would live up to these words. One day, being “Nationally ranked” would get them beyond youth and High school sports.

But, why do we care so much? Yes, college is expensive. It is way more costly than it should be and most of us want our kids to attend colleges and Universities and get a top-notch education, and have a great start moving toward their adult life. We all know that getting a scholarship to play sports in college would be seriously Amazing! Playing past college and into the world of professional sports would be even more Amazing. As a matter of fact, a survey from The Kids Mental Health Foundation, shows that a whole lot of parents (40%) are “certain” their child will be an Olympic athlete or a professional athlete one day. I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t throw some stats at ‘ya right about now. Approximately 7% of High school athletes will go on to play at the college level. 2% of High School athletes will actually be “D1 bound!” (play in the NCAA Division1). Fewer than 2% will go on to play professional sports. Parentals, that’s a low percentage when it’s laid out for you.

I’ve been lucky to know some of those 7 percenters and also a few 2 percenters. I watched a few of them from childhood and saw as they honed their skills from starter to well beyond. Let’s be honest, they were really good as kids, better than most others as middle schoolers and then ridiculously great by high school age. If you had your eyes opened, you can spot these kids from a lightyear away. Whether they played in High school or on a development team somewhere, you looked at these kids and YOU JUST KNEW! These kids are just built different. They have a certain love for the sport they are playing that shines every time they step on the field or dive in that pool. Your child might be built differently, too and I hope that they are. That’d be so cool for all of you! But whether or not your child eventually fits into any of these percentages, this is still something that you will have to listen to from other parents who may not ever have the prodigy you have. So this is for everyone. Even you 40 percenters.

One of the best things I ever read about how to look at youth sports as parents is the following: “PRESERVE THE LOVE OF PLAYING THE GAME.” (Ferenz, Sports Coach America, 2023) This hits on a different level as a youth sports parent. For one, when I would talk about how successful my kids were in any aspect of the sports they played, was I speaking about how those successes looked on me more than my kid? When my son hit a few three-pointers during a game to lead his team to victory and I giddily told my friends about it the next day, was it because I was genuinely happy for him or did I just want them to know? At the time, I would have died on the highest hill, and pronounced to the world that I WAS NOT, by any means, saying this to impress ANYONE and that I was just a very proud mom and happy to share my son’s successes. But looking at it now, was I adding to the notion that success and winning meant more than playing and enjoying the actual sport? It is easy for us, as parents, to confuse attention and success with the importance of love for the game. And if it is easy for us to confuse this, imagine how our kids feel? What kid do you know who doesn’t like to read about themselves on a social media post or listen to their dad beaming with pride as he discusses that match point. It feels good to a child to be praised. It feels even better to us when our child is wanted and praised by others. It is so satisfying, especially after all the time, and money and energy we spend on doing this for our kiddos. It is so easy for us to use our ego, ever so unconsciously, to guide our kids in sports. If we are using winning and individual accomplishments as a way to measure their success, then how are we fostering and preserving their love for the sport? Can a child still love a sport where they lose? Where they don’t stand out and don’t get that acclaim? I think that if they are allowed to fall in love with it, without feeling pressure of judgements of these things, then ultimately the answer can be yes. But thats when you guys come in as parents. You have to be dialed in enough to see the sport as a marathon instead of a 100 yard dash. If you think of the bigger picture, instead of calling out the small stuff or over-celebrating the big stuff, maybe developing that love for your child is possible.